Sunday, December 20, 2009

Millionaire Offers 5 Million for Nephew to hold Panda

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHIANG MAI – A millionaire offered five million baht in exchange for allowing his nephew to hold Lin Ping just one time. It seems like the superstar panda is getting to everybody’s head. The zoo meanwhile announced that this Christmas, Lin Ping will be wearing a Santa outfit to greet his fan club.

Other than the mad millionaire, Chiang Mai zoo reported that many individuals are phoning in to pay 20000 – 30000 baht to hold Lin Ping. Even letters have been sent offering a few thousand baht to hold the panda. The level of madness seems relative to peoples disposable income.

In the same report, although unrelated, the zoo announced that the Santa outfit will be put on Lin Ping while it is asleep. The reason being that the panda will be too hyper active and resistant to the Santa suit.

Lin Ping will wake up some day soon and find that it's a Santa Claus for the Thai people.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Gay Man Can’t Take a Sexy Calendar

In Courtesy of Thairath

BANGKOK – Seasoned and outspoken gay man, Nathi protested in Bangkok today against pinup girl calendars, saying they destroy the cultural legacy of Thai women.

Singha Beer announced that it is giving away free sexy girl calendars to complement the 2010 year of the Tiger, using six naked models splashed in body paint to launch the promotion.

To this Nathi said, “Even though it is your own body and you’re entitled to do anything with it, when you present your body to the public, you destroy Thai culture. No matter where you grew up, if you’re now living in Thailand, then understand that Thailand still values traditional culture. If you don’t love it then don’t destroy it.”

Thailand is also one of the most popular destinations for prostitution in the world; for god’s sake Nathi, women shoot ping pong balls from their vaginas and hang weights from their vulvas. Highly advanced pornographic moves are child play. Thailand is a hot spot for sexual holidaying. Teen rapes and gang bangs are part of a long and senseless history. Where’s the culture? Was it even here in the first place? Is it even a word in the dictionaries of young children? The case has always been that people are living under their own skins. Culture is merely theatrical, a creative byproduct of repression.

If Nathi returned home every night as a crazed flagellator and whipped ass with black leather, where’s Thai culture in that? And no, sprinkling chili on the man's asshole wouldn't cut it. It's not a box that you just tick off.

Would it even surprise you?

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Friday, December 18, 2009

Sitting Next To a Charred Head

In Courtesy of Thairath

UDONTHANI – A 14-year-old kid chopped his grandfather into chunks, stuffed them in sand bags and threw them into a lake. He kept the head so he could burn it, leaving an awful smell. Villagers discovered the scene and informed police.

The kid coldly admitted to murder. His excuse was that his grandfather treated him like a slave and never let him attend New Years parties or festivals.

Police officers picked up two sand bags in the lake and opened them. The first bag contained the victim’s trunk; the second bag, the limbs, all torn and rotten. Police traced down to a little hut two kilometers away from the lake to find the 14-year-old boy sitting with a cold expression – beside him lay a charred head.

The kid confessed without fear or tears. He said he had an argument with the victim about going to a party but the victim wouldn’t let him. The kid grabbed the biggest axe he could find and chopped the victim’s head, before repeating the motion twice. The kid undressed the victim and used a kitchen knife to slice up parts of the body. He burnt the head and returned home to sleep like nothing happened.

Then the police came.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Get a Load of B

In Courtesy of Khaosod

NAKORN PHATHOM – One afternoon, a 50-year-old woman walked into her back garden and saw a large buffalo bear. Standing at two meters tall, it casually ate her bananas. Her dog barked at it repeatedly and the B-bear ran away into the woods near the village of Nakorn Phathom.

The village chief has since feared that the B-bear will hurt people and so set up a search team to track it down.

Over 30 villagers ventured into the woods for three days armed with wooden sticks.

After a somewhat hopeless search, they came up with the stupid idea of burning down the whole forest to get the bear out of its hiding. The fire took several hours to catch on and control and still no bear was found.

Moreover, the village chief contacted the parachute association to get five skydivers to survey the area. The exaggerated gesture reaped no results. The team only found claws marks and footprints but nothing else.

An old lady from the village claimed that several years ago she saw a similar buffalo bear eating her bananas and chickens in her backyard but no one believed her. And to this day there is no reason to believe her. She said the B-bear surely had to be the next generation B-bear from the one she saw.

Another old man from the village said that he was sure the buffalo bears live underground and have their own hiding place deep beneath the crust.

And why not throw in a theory that the B-bears secretly rule the world? And what a load of B! What a pile of codswallop! What a lark!

Can further news updates curb this skepticism? I doubt it.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Wrong Man, Wrong Coffin

In Courtesy of Nation Group

ANG THONG – A man spent almost 30,000 baht on a funeral for his relative only to discover on the day that the corpse inside the coffin wasn’t his relative! Before cremating the body, the man opened the coffin to see his relative’s face for the last time and was bewildered. His relative is still alive!

Komkrit, 42-years-old, the host of the funeral said that he was informed by the deceased peoples’ identification foundation that his relative, Prachueb, 39-years-old, died of heart failure, and that he was identified as Prachueb.

The foundation sent the body to Komkrit a few days later – and along with several villagers in town, they held a funeral for Prachueb and scheduled for a cremation.

After performing several rituals, Komkrit, in tears, walked over to open the lid of the coffin and found that the face of the deceased looked nothing like Prachueb! Who the hell was it?

Komkrit was in shock and called Prachueb’s brother, to find that Prachueb is alive and well. Komkrit got hold of Prachueb’s number and talked to the man himself.
Prachueb told Komkrit that he had lost his ID card almost 10 years ago, and had never reclaimed a new one. There is no clue as to how Prachueb’s ID card ended up in the wallet of some unknown dead guy.

Komkrit, and his fellow villagers ditched the funeral having spent 32,555 baht.

The nameless dead man was registered as having no relatives at the time of death.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

More Chicken in a Chicken

In Courtesy of Thairath

UDONTHANI – A chicken in Udon grew ten toes while another grew nine. Both are well and alive. The owner revealed that they were the only two left out of 40 chickens in a farm robbery. Very strange indeed.

Samroeng, the owner of the chicken farm, said that he had 40 chickens in total. One night he locked the farm house and went to sleep and discovered the next morning that almost all his chickens were robbed. Only two were left in the corner of the farm house: one was a black ten-toed chicken, another was the same breed but with white feathers and nine toes. He can’t understand why the robbers didn’t take these two chickens. Maybe because they have more toes; are genetically imperfect; or would be more difficult to sell or even eat themselves? Some sort of chicken discrimination was definitely involved.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Monday, December 14, 2009

Explosion in Phone Booth

In Courtesy of Thairath

PATTAYA – A young brat dropped his own bomb – and not of the swearing kind – while he was in a public phone booth.

The booth’s glass shattered and the young brat was caught in the middle of the explosion. He gave the excuse to police that somebody threw a bomb at him. Police didn’t buy the story.

Civilians were stunned by the explosion that detonated inside the booth. Police arrived on the scene to find the 17-year-old lying severely injured and was sent to hospital.

Despite his defense that two unknown men stopped by on their motorbikes, police concluded that basically, the brat liked to carry around bombs for fun, and to threaten people with.

He went to a public phone booth and accidentally dropped a bomb inside, injuring himself. And doesn’t the photo look nice and set up?

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Right Out Of An 80’s Porn Film

Picture of the beach where the sex show occurred - Courtesy of Thairath

PATTAYA – Bemusement, curiosity, shock characterized a steamy Pattaya beach as crowds of locals and tourists drew together to witness two Russian couples get it on.

One couple stepped into the ocean and started fucking. No surprise, police officers chased them into the water and dragged them out by their nether regions.

All four Russians were in their swimsuits and appeared to be drunk. The girls were topless and the boys were bottomless – nipples and penises erect in the hot sun.

The four kissed and caressed each other in a sexual exposé set against the beautiful backdrop of Pattaya beach. Parents covered the eyes of their children.

As the show gained attention from hundreds of onlookers, one couple tip-toed into the water and started fucking; waves of water slapping between their bodies. Officers had a time hard getting through the crowd towards them. No surprise, the Russians had no idea why they were arrested.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Waterfall Rape

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHONBURI – Police arrested an electrician for tricking two girls – a first grader and a kindergartener – to a waterfall and raping them. They were both victims of the electrician’s sudden sexual outburst under the waterfall.

On the day of the incident, the rapist drove a car to pick up the two little girls, telling them he would take them to a lovely waterfall nearby. The girls believed him because he had always visited them and bought lots of snacks and drinks.

As they arrived at the waterfall, the two little girls took off their clothes to play in the water. The scene lit up the electrician’s overwhelming lust. He chased after them under the waterfall, pinned them down, and began raping them aggressively. Such a scene.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Friday, December 11, 2009

Practiced Robbery Ends Well

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHONBURI – Civilians in Chonburi panicked as four robbers barged into a gold jeweler in the middle of the city, taking a girl hostage - only no one knew it was part of a training scenario designed to test emergency services.

Police teams joined in for the practice to test out new strategies against gold store robberies. The police created a flawless scenario that seemed completely real; civilians were running everywhere in panic.

The four actors came on motorbikes pretending to be robbers, entered the gold store and stole 20 Baht of gold. After that the four men escaped through the Pattaya route road, where at the end of one Soi, police managed to take down two, while the other two escaped.

They were eventually cornered and took a young girl as hostage. The police began a dramatic negotiation with the fake culprit until he finally gave in. Of course he did!

The whole scenario took 29 minutes to complete.

The police and the four culprits finally walked off together, chatting and laughing.

This was the event of the day that left civilians in Chonburi in total shock and terror.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Baby Hippo Found!

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHIANG MAI – The baby hippo that mysteriously disappeared from Chiang Mai night Safari was finally found dead and rotting in a sewage drain.

After a two day search by safari staff, police teams and several hunting dogs, a safari staff member found something stuck in the sewage drain of the animal clinic building.

The staff member discovered the putrescent body of the baby hippo, which had been dead for no less than 4-5 days.

The safari supervisor, Narong Thananuwat, said that it was very strange because the sewage drains where the hippo was found had already been investigated a few days earlier during a big search. Narong claimed to be extremely happy that the hippo was finally found (despite it being dead) within the safari, after being bombarded by rumors and comments that the area supervisor wasn’t doing a good job of zoning animals.

“When we found the dead hippo in the drain, I was really glad, just a relief you know,” he said.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Thailand: Man Hurts Elephant, Elephant Hurts Man?

In Courtesy of Thairath

KONKAEN – Wild elephants stomped a man to near death, leaving him in a critical condition with crushed ribs and blood bleeding out of his ears. His relatives weren’t so sad – they just had to deal with it – he had been stumped by an elephant, after all.

The victim had been walking across a field after fishing at a lake nearby, when he was approached by two wild elephants. Witnesses say the elephants encircled him and beat the crap out of him out of him for no good reason. The man finally managed to get a distance away from the wild elephants, and was helped by civilians passing by.

After the incident, people have been visiting the city council requesting that they look out for the elephants and get them away from hurting people. The council simply asked: how would we do that?

Will we hear any more about these malicious elephants hell-bent on crushing people?

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Lin Ping Gives Bamboo on Father’s Day

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHIANG MAI – Impressive, Lin Ping, our superstar panda gave his father a bamboo bunch on Father’s day. The panda family was nose to nose through the cage, with thousands of tourists watching.

On Father’s day, Chiang Mai Zoo was packed again. Thousands of people rushed to the Lin Ping clinic area for a 30-minute show. Lin Ping reportedly weighed 16.2 kilograms; his heart rate, 120 beats per minute; and his body temperature was 37 degrees Celsius. He is in good shape.

The head of Panda Experimentation and Show Thailand came out to the clinic area to play with the little Lin Ping, ordering it to lie down and sit up and duck, and so on. At the end the officers let Lin Ping meet with his father, Chuang Chuang, through the metal cage and under the eyes of thousands of people the show ended on a climatic note. The Father panda, to everybody’s surprise, did not reach out with his arm but used his nose to smell Lin Ping, each smelling each other. The audience wowed at the father-and-son love. Some more pathetic members of the audience even cried.

The experimentation team officer gave Lin Ping a bunch of bamboo sticks decorated with carrots and heart-shaped apples for Lin Ping to give to his father as a gift. Chuang Chuang gladly accepted. The Panda experimentation team added further that they were so surprised the father panda was so calm and loving today.

Mmm, from the picture though, clearly Lin Ping was being held by the dude in blue. All the things about Father’s Day, and the bunch of bamboo sticks decorated by carrots and apples – isn’t that like a human thing? Is Lin Ping another soap opera that manages to squeeze out a couple of cheap tears and pull a few loose heart strings?

Still, it seems like what everyone needs.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dead Monk and Not So Dead Dog

In Courtesy of Khaosod

CHACHOENGSAO – Car killed a monk and his dog at six o’clock in the morning. The driver made a run for it.

The monk, named Seng Modnut, 69-years-old, had been a monk for nine years. His corpse lay face down on the bitumen in a blood puddle.

Both his arms still clutched a holy food bowl. Next to him were a pair of glasses and a lunch box. Three paces to the right, a Thai breed male brown dog lay on the ground.

The rescue team thought the dog was dead, but later found it moaning in pain. Both its hind legs had been snapped as it tried to use its front legs to move closer to the monk’s body.

The affection and love the dog showed for the monk put police officers on the scene in a mood of sorrow and deep sympathy.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Hippo Vanishes

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHIANG MAI – Two-month-old Hippopotamus from Chiang Mai Night Safari mysteriously disappeared from its cage.

The baby hippo was relocated last week due to cold weather around its cage to a vet for recovery. The hippo weighs around 50 kilograms and is two months old.

At the safari’s animal hospital center, there was no bathtub or a pond for the baby hippo to be in so it was sent outside where the safari provided a special warm water pond for the hippo to be in – the pond was completely caged, with extra caretakers and security watching the hippo day and night.

In the morning however, the hippo had disappeared from its cage.

The hippo was seen submerging under water for some time and then disappeared from the cage. The pond is an artificial container placed in the ground, so the possibility of the baby hippo digging its way out is impossible.

Later on, the safari’s officers found footprints thought to be the baby hippo’s in the woods a few kilometers away from the safari. The hippo is still missing. And the safari is still searching.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Say Hello To A Monk: Monks On The BTS

In Courtesy of Thairath

BANGKOK – BTS Sky Train co-operated with the Bangkok City Council to host the first Sky-Tak-Baat — the religious act of offering food to monks on a sky train — by inviting thousands of monks onto the BTS.

Well, if not religious, at least innovative.

The monks were invited from 20 eminent temples in Bangkok. The organizer claimed the event was the first time people got to see, not one, but a thousand monks riding the sky train. People brought food onto the train and the Tak-Baat process began while the trains travelled across Bangkok City.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Friday, December 4, 2009

Piss Tester Wanders through City

Ubon Ratchathani – A strange man wandered through the city of Ubon posed as a police officer, asking civilians for urine samples. He claimed to be helping police in fighting drug use when he himself appeared to be on drugs.

Civilians informed the police station in Ubon Ratchathani, doubting the strange man who had asked for their urine.

Police followed the man to a restaurant and observed his bizarre methods of drug testing. Firstly, he would ask everybody to piss into their cups then he would take out a pen and dip it into the pee. Civilians reported that the man said it was a technically advanced pen that told him whether the person had been doing drugs or not.

When arrested for impersonating an officer, he claimed to only have wanted to help police. He was put in jail anyway.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Art of Smelling: Man Steals 100 Girls Panties

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHONBURI – Police arrested a pervert with a stockpile of girls’ panties and bras in his apartment. He admitted to smelling them for arousal and masturbation.

The man lived a unique lifestyle. He would go to work at a convenient store in the morning until afternoon. On the way home, he would search for an attractive apartment building, scale the side of it, and hop around back balconies stealing underwear’s that smelt interesting.

He admitted to taking them all home and spreading them all over his apartment floor; wallowing in them and rolling around in the panties until he got an erection. Those were the good days when he would throw the panties into the air like a self-made millionaire.

But the man’s glory days are over – for now anyway.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Superstar Panda: Lin Ping

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHIANG MAI – The Zoo extended Lin Ping’s show due to high demand. Each show, the arena is packed with thousands of people waiting to see the little panda climb a tree.

After the establishment of Lin Ping’s 24 hour reality TV show, Lin Ping has developed a tight fan base of which visit the zoo from cities all over Thailand. A large group has requested an extension of the show because they came all the way to Chiang Mai but didn’t get to see Lin Ping.

The Head of Panda Foundation Thailand said that Lin Ping has been amazingly influential in extending happiness to people. The Zoo’s telephone lines and internet talk boards are full of requests for more Lin Ping shows.

It’s amazing what Lin Ping's marketing machine has done to capture an entire nation of people.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Pick-Up Truck Takes One Monk and One Man

In Courtesy of Khaosod

PHUKET – Sad news in the early morning: a young man came out to put offerings into a monk’s bowl (Tak Baat) and was killed along with the monk by a speeding pick-up truck. At the time, the monk had been ritualizing a birthday prayer.

The driver is on the lam but police found a bank book in the vehicle with a name: Somporn Gaewprasert.

Monk Samarn Narakae, 60-years-old, died instantly.

Next to the monk’s body, lay the young 23-year-old male victim. Paramedics were unable to revive either of the men.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Monday, November 30, 2009

2000 Monks Stand as One

In Courtesy of Thairath

CHANTHABURI – Politicians, merchants, and civilians participated in a Buddhist event by placing food offerings into monks’ bowls, known as Tak Baat. Two thousand monks partook to raise hope for people affected by the civil war in south Thailand.

The congregation of monks lined up in two neat rows which extended over 800 meters. With the wish of maintaining the positive development and growth of Buddhism in Thailand, thousands joined the ceremony over the weekend; the atmosphere was lively amidst the colder weather.

The image above shows the event in action.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sinkhole In The Middle Of Pattaya

In Courtesy of Thairath

BANGKOK – PATTAYA – Police warned civilians of a collapsed sinkhole in the middle of a road entering Pattaya. One unfortunate victim made a dive into the sink with his motorbike and is now in a coma.

The hole intensified traffic conditions, squeezing the main road into one lane. A traffic officer on site said the dip was three meters deep, nine meters square in area and extremely dangerous.

Another victim was the driver of a semi-trailer delivering soda drinks; he managed to miss the hollow but in quick steering, swerved and tipped the vehicle.

Road specialists said that the structure under the roadway had been struck by underground water from a pipe and sea water 200 meters away, causing the soil mantle beneath the ground to dissolve over time and the cavern roof to collapse.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Is this Japanese BBQ?

In Courtesy of Thairath

PHUKET – An unidentified person was burnt alive in their vehicle in the middle of Phuket. The age, sex and nationality of the person could not be identified because the fire left only ashes.

The owner of the car – a Japanese woman – owns a vehicle care business, and her husband has gone missing. It is believed that the husband is what we now see as ashy bones.

The fire took 30 minutes to die down; the Honda Civic was nothing more than a brittle chassis. The rescue team picked up three teeth in the vehicle and a blood-stained shirt 200 meters away from the scene.

Police deduced that the t-shirt belonged to the culprit responsible for killing the man.

The night of the crime, civilians reported seeing the vehicle pass the area a few times and someone telling the man in the vehicle that it was dead end and that the car could not go on. A while after that, the vehicle was found on fire.

Police suspect the culprits must have killed the victim and brought the corpse to the vehicle to set on fire.

Police believe there are more than two culprits and that they must be from somewhere else because they were not familiar with the roadway running into a dead end. The blood-stained shirt is still a mystery.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Friday, November 27, 2009

Teacher’s Punishment

In Courtesy of Thairath

PICHIT – When a little 2nd grader couldn’t remember his times tables, he received a punishment from his lady teacher. She pinched his face and twisted his ears, giving him bruises; she grabbed his legs and hung him upside down and smacked his head on the ground. The boy’s parents informed police.

After an investigation, it was discovered that the teacher had done this kind of punishment many times before, hanging kids upside down and banging their heads against the ground – preferably a concrete ground – but this time, when the boy cried in pain, she ignored him and continued.

The teacher refused to admit her cruelty against the boy, saying that she had given homework to everyone and that the task was to say the times table out loud to her the next morning. Only the boy could not do it, for example, he said “3X3 is 3 or 5X5 is 5.” The teacher was infuriated by the child’s inability to recite the multiplications table.

Charges are yet to be laid after further inquiry.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Thursday, November 26, 2009

One-Year-Old Grilled By Stepfather

In Courtesy of Khaosod

SONGKLA – A stepfather showered his wife’s 1-year-old with fuel and lit the child on fire. The boy was reduced to ashes.

After an altercation between the culprit and his wife regarding an ex-husband, jealousy led the culprit to go out and drown himself in alcohol, before returning home late that night. He found his wife sleeping; found the child and doused him in fuel, lit a match and made a fire.

The wife woke up in shock and managed to run from the burning house. The wife’s 16-year-old sister and her 13-year-old brother suffered severe injuries from the fire.

Eight emergency fire trucks arrived at the premises to try and stop the fierce fire. The firemen took around an hour to suppress the fire and rescued the burn victims from underneath the staircase. The neighbor’s house was half burnt as well.

Warunee Kongmak, 23-years-old, the mother of the dead child said that her husband also lit furniture in the house on fire before running away. She, in panic, ran out of the house to call the police and forgot that the boy and her siblings were still stuck inside. Fortunately the siblings survived with burns to both their arms and face.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

City Minister Announces Pig VS Buffalo VS Human Tournament

NONTHABURI – Nonthaburi province is hosting a festival swim race between a pig, buffalo, and human. The city minister said that the pig participating in the race this year is well-trained in swimming and that nobody should underestimate it. The pig loves to eat vegetables and is known as the “Vegie King.” The buffalo on the other hand is a running champion and is constantly training for endurance and speed. Will the human stand a chance?

The minister said the human participants will be Khao Sai Galaxy, a world renowned Thai boxer who has retired, in addition to a well-known soccer player. The minister is confident to say that the two won’t stand a chance against the animals. The race was held 20 years ago, and the humans lost as well.

Authorities from the Ministry of Animal Protection have come out to say that such an event is a form of torture to the animals. Nonthaburi city minister however said that the two animals are beloved pets of their owners; they are well-taken care of and are spirited to participate – and that it is definitely not a form of torture.

“Many people have trained their dogs and elephants to swim and race. So why can we not train pigs and buffaloes to swim as well? If I pick up a random pig and throw it into the pool then that’s torture. But the pig and buffalo are both eminent athletes of our town,” said the city minister.

The opposing side however argued that the pigs and buffaloes are not swimming animals and that this race is forcing them against their nature. They also said that people can’t just get random things and throw an event to grab people’s attention. They added that it’s immoral and will be a bad image to the country.

To this Nonthaburi’s City Minister replied: “Wait till you see the these animals swim. They’re Nonthaburi’s mermaids.”

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

13-Year-Old Hangs Herself After Parents Forgot Her Birthday

TRAT – A 13-year-old girl attending 7th grade at a school in Trat committed suicide by hanging herself when she realized both her parents had forgotten her birthday.

The parents, in tears, regretted that they did not hold a little birthday party or cook a special meal or buy a cake for their daughter, not even a gift. According to the mother, the girl was extremely upset. The parents said they had been very busy.

After hearing their excuse the child had mumbled something to her parents and gone into her room.

Police however said that the child only wanted to get attention from her parents. From the inspection of the rope used, it was a very thin type that easily rips.
Police said that the girl must’ve been planning to let her weight tear the rope but instead, it supported her just fine.

The girl was left hanging in mid air. She died a slow death on her birthday.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Monday, November 23, 2009

30 Students Lose Consciousness after Playing Ghost Game

PRACHINBURI – Thirty students became hysterical and lost consciousness while playing a ghost cup game similar to a Ouija board. They were all sent to hospital.

After regaining consciousness, some felt nauseous and tight in the chest. Some even went on talking randomly to themselves and appeared to be hallucinating.

Doctors said the students were panicked and still in shock from the incident.

The game utilized a glass cup, incenses, and a piece of paper. A table of alphabets was drawn on the piece of paper. Then the incenses were lit to get smoke into the cup; then flipped over onto the paper, trapping the smoke inside. Like the famous Ouija board, this half-game, half ritual, half paranormal talk board is believed to invite spirits to answer questions.

The students set their fingertips on the edge of the flipped-over glass and waited for it to move by itself around the alphabet to create a message.

It all went wrong when one girl student saw a stark black shadow projected on the wall – which allegedly tampered with her mental stability. Soon all 30 students playing the game were affected.

The doctors said the children faced some fearful mental experiences and are not so stable. The hospitals psychotherapists are treating the students. Some have regained consciousness while others are still in a deep labyrinth of sleep.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Seamstress Sues Hospital For Losing Her Right kidney

In Courtesy of Post Today

THAILAND – A seamstress sued Krung Thon hospital after her ovary operation resulted in the loss of her right kidney.

Gade Pumcham, 43-years-old, a seamstress sued the hospital for 700,000 baht with 7.5 percent interest per year. She said she had a really bad stomachache in July 2006 and did a check up with the hospital and found that she had a small tumor growing below her right ovary.

In August, she had surgery and a month afterward, began to feel extremely fatigued, experienced dramatic weight loss and suffered backaches and excessive menstruation. She then went for an ultra sound in June 2008 and discovered that her right kidney had disappeared; her left kidney seemed to be weakening as well.

Gade said that she had had an X-ray before and that both her kidneys were in tact; she sued Krung Thon hospital for the missing kidney and for the the weakening state of her other one, of which she said Krung Thon’s operation was the cause.

The court judge found the claim and case to be ridiculous. After seeking out medical specialists, they all confirmed that it is impossible to extract a kidney through the operation wound of an ovary; the two organs are in completely different locations and the kidney cannot be taken out this way. After detailed study of the X-ray film, a team of medical specialists said that the liver had not disappeared but had shrunk, believing it to be a defect Gade has had since birth .

The medical specialists further added that if the operation could ever cause possible damage to the kidneys, the patient would have suffered chronic pain in the bladder and developed high fevers, of which Gade Pumcham never did. The court dismissed Gade’s claim.

Gade Pumcham seemed extremely disappointed and said that her health is now in a very bad state and she cannot take sewing jobs like she used to. She said she will push further with the case and fight to claim her money.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Little Fish Kills Man

In Courtesy of Daily News

SUPANBURI – A man with three wives died when he went out to collect his fishing nets from the creek. He reached for the first fish and held it between his lips while he worked with his hands.

Unexpectedly, the fish went mad and flicked itself down his throat, blocking his air passage. His wife who was walking behind him rushed to rescue him but there was nothing she could do. He died in pain in front of her.

The forensic team said the fish was around three inches long and one inch wide and had lodged itself in the man’s throat.

His relatives did not question the cause of death.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Friday, November 20, 2009

Man Kills Indian Woman for Placing Hex

In Courtesy of Thairath

BANGKOK – Four policemen arrested a man presumed to be mentally insane. He stabbed a 51-year-old Indian woman to death with a switchblade and his reason was that the Indian woman chanted a piece of buffalo skin into his stomach and made him suffer.

Sau Lungmung, 35-years-old, appeared to be under a spell during the interrogation; speaking in circles, he said the Indian woman used black magic on him and that the buffalo skin had inflicted great pain on his body and spirit.

He decided to stab the woman to death. She was sent to hospital by civilians who witnessed the crime but didn’t survive the attack.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Mother Left Baby on the Back of a Pick-Up Truck

In Courtesy of Thairath

SRI AYUDTHAYA – As we expected but hoped not to expect, throwing away babies in unusual places is really in trend at the moment – to recap, we’ve had shopping mall, gas station and phone booth incidents. Today’s dump site features the back of a pick-up truck.

The cruel, desperate or crazy mother – her exact psychological state is unknown – left her newborn child in the back of a pick-up parked in Big C shopping complex. The owner of the truck was stunned to find the baby and informed police. It is believed the mother is a university student.

The owner of the vehicle did not realize at first and drove from Big C for a long time until he got back to the office. After that he noticed a green and orange paper bag with a newborn baby on top, around 2-3 days old. The baby wore a light blue outfit with light blue gloves. The umbilical cord was still attached. There was a can of powder milk and a pack of diapers in the bag.

Tienchai, the owner of the vehicle felt very sorry for the kid and was relieved that the child did not die because at one stage he had driven at 120 km per hour along the highway. The baby didn’t cry one bit during trip.

The man is thinking of adopting the baby. He said mothers shouldn’t be so irresponsible these days.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchtoisak

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dead Baby in Phone Booth

In Courtesy of Khaosod

THAILAND – We’ve been seeing a lot of babies abandoned lately, in shopping mall toilets, gas stations and so on. The latest news report deals with a baby found in a phone booth.

The dead baby was placed in a reddish brown bag and dumped in a phone booth. The baby had only been one or two days old, was still attached to an umbilical cord, and wrapped in a blue t-shirt. The cause of death was suffocation.

While Siriporn Paengtangmo, 23-years-old, was making a call in a phone booth, she discovered the red bag and called police. A nearby temple is assisting by lending nine surveillance camera tapes to police to find the person who left the baby. It had only been dead for four to five hours when Siriporn found it. Will we keep seeing unusual places to drop a baby?

Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Music Teacher Uses a Candle on Female Student

In Courtesy of Khaosod

SAMUT PRAKAN – A 48-year-old music teacher was arrested by police for sexually abusing a 12-year-old girl. He had her naked, lying face up, and used a candle to caress her vagina. His justification was that it would give her musical talents. The kid was abused many times before she told her mother.

The child said that she loved Thai traditional music and so attended music classes with her male classmate. One day before class, the teacher, Pichet, asked the boy to buy a condom at a convenient store at the front of the soi. He walked all the way out but came back empty handed because the store wouldn’t sell it to him for being too young. Pichet was vexed and told the boy to go home first.

He then told the girl to go out to find a candle and flowers, saying they were the necessary materials used to awake her musical talents to learn new songs. The child fell for it and went out to get what she was told. When she came back, Pichet told her to put on a DVD she was given, which turned out to be extreme porn. The girl decided to walk out but was pulled back by Pitchet and taken upstairs. Pichet locked the door, forced the girl to strip down, and lie face up naked.

He lit the candle and used his fingertips to write letters with the melted wax on the girl’s hands and breasts. Pichet then told the girl to lie face down to write on her back, and then told her to lie face up again. Then he got his wax covered fingers and caressed the girl’s vagina. Afterwards, he asked her to dress up and go home and forbid her from telling anyone.

The same ritual happened several times before the girl got too scared and informed her mother. Pichet was still adamant that he had good intentions of awakening the girl’s musical talents.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Monday, November 16, 2009

Ping Pong Bombs at Wedding

In Courtesy of Thairath

KANCHANABURI – A 29-year-old man, Mana, was asked by his friend who was having a wedding, to throw ping pong bombs for good luck. The five ping pong bombs exploded in his hands, sending his fingers flying over the wedding couple’s heads.

The doctor inspecting his wound said that the three fingers cannot be reattached. Mana now only has a thumb and an index finger.

When the wedding couple told him to light up the ping pong bombs, which were supposed to be lit up one at a time and thrown up into the air; Mana, lit all five and could not get rid of them quickly enough. The explosion sent finger fragments flying into the wedding crowd; spraying everyone with meat and bone.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Potato Kills Grandpa

Courtesy of Daily News

SUKHOTHAI – An old man was watching a comedy show on TV, forgot to wear his fake teeth, reached for a grilled potato and chocked on it in a laughing fit.

Paramedics arrived to find Gate Boonmueng, 67-years-old, dead on the floor of his home, his face still showed a trace of laughter.

Relatives said that Gate had bought some fish balls, grilled potatoes and alcohol to enjoy while watching the comedy show; Gate got carried away and quickly threw a potato into his mouth without wearing his set of fake teeth.

An officer from the Foundation of Heaven Earth Rescue said that people should be careful when they eat and do not talk or laugh so much because it’s very dangerous.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Man Shot Dead At Funeral

In Courtesy of Khaosod

KRABI – A policeman reached for his 11 mm and shot a sunglass store owner at a funeral. The policeman was sleeping on a desk and was woken up by the owner splashing cold water on his head. The policeman woke up in anger and shot five times at close range, killing the sunnies man in front of a funeral.

Wattanachai Warinin, the 46-year-old victim, lay dead under a tent at his neighbor’s funeral.

Police discovered that the two had been drinking together at the funeral. When Bantueng Lenrueng, 35-years-old, passed out on the table, Wattanachai reached for a glass of cold water and splashed Bantueng’s head. Bantueng woke up in a fierce rage.

When Wattanachai said he was just playing around, Bantueng, the policeman said,
“You’ve done these kind of shits to me too many times, I don’t want to stand it anymore, I will make you another dead one here.” Bantueng then shot the victim at close range five times.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Friday, November 13, 2009

Skinheads Pose As Monks in Elaborate Con Network

In Courtesy of Thairath

THAILAND – Fake monk gangs are as numerous as mosquitoes, branching networks across the country, they are known for their trickery.

One of the deceptions is to get people to buy magical coins that can grant them first prize in lottery tickets.

When arrested by police, the skinheads in yellow confessed to have used the money for prostitution, home construction, and gambling.

It all came down when a posse of angry people barged into the police station to report on the monk gang. Using a typical con strategy, the gang employed a few decoys to lure people to a bogus monk to buy magical coins granting them the lottery first prize – and the motto was: ‘the more coins you buy, the more chances of winning.’

The victims of this trickery are mostly greedy and superstitious civilians. These monks will usually reside in phony places deep in the forest, pretending to meditate. On the day of the lottery number announcements, however, the monks are nowhere to be seen.

Police managed to arrest most of the gang members involved in the con network. There were around 20 people involved, along with their five vehicles, Suzuki pick-up trucks and two Chevrolets with fake plate numbers. Surat Chantawong, 48-years-old, was the leader and strategist behind the gang. The group went around to many cities across the country, posing as monks and doing the same tricks. Their illegitimate profit margin exceeded 30 million baht.

After being taken into custody, Surat revealed that 6 – 10 members impersonated eminent monks with special powers. The group totally knew it is an act of crime to do what they have done but still did it anyway. “The motivation was still there, everyone was up for it,” Surat said.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Soldiers Disturb the King Cobra Spirit

Photo Courtesy of Daily News

CHONBURI – Naval soldiers killed a male king cobra by bashing it with a stick and cooking it in a stir-fry chili dish to share among friends. That night, a female king cobra came into their dreams. In the dream the female cobra bit the soldiers’ wrists and told them to return the dead male cobra to its nest where the female was looking after its eggs. The female cobra ensured the soldiers that she did not intend to harm anybody because the male cobra’s spirit had told her it was his time to die.

When the soldiers woke up and discovered they each had similar dreams, they hurried to where they had killed the male cobra and took the remains back to its nest. The soldiers lit up incenses and prayed for the male cobra spirit.

The soldiers recalled the day they killed the male cobra. They had been watching the fight between a king cobra and a python, both around three meters in length. In this battle to the death, the python lost and was poisoned by the cobra. After that the cobra slowly swallowed the python into its stomach. The soldiers then rushed in and used a stick to strike the cobra; then skinned it and used the meat for chili stir fry.

When the female cobra came into the soldiers’ dreams, it said it was 68 years ago with only two more years to live. It did not want to harm anyone but only wanted its newborns to see their father’s remains.

The female cobra further told the soldiers in the dreams that it had 18 eggs but only four survived: two males and two females. This generation of snakes will be looking after the ancient treasures hidden in the area after their parents pass away. The soldiers later went to the nest and found exactly 18 eggs where only four snakes survived.

The chief of the naval division said that no one is to harm the snakes in the area because they are considered sacred and the spiritual guardians of the place. The soldiers who ate the cobra were new and knew no tales of the snakes.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Lin Ping the Panda Has a Full Set of Teeth

Photo Courtesy of Thairath

THAILAND – After True Vision dedicated a whole channel to Lin Ping the Panda – streaming live videos 24 hours a day to monitor the panda in its cage – people’s cravings for Lin Ping has intensified.

The latest update is that Chiang Mai zoo is now awarding four lucky winners who retrieved the Lin Ping Panda Balloons that were launched into the sky several days ago. The zoo recently reported that the panda is in great health, fat and firm, and has gained all its new teeth.

Those four lucky winners who managed to pick up the Panda balloons will get the opportunity to meet the Panda in close contact.

On the same day as the announcement, the zoo reported that Lin Ping was 1,317 grams in weight and 97 centimeters in length. With a mouth full of teeth, Ling Ping was as clever and playful as ever.

The zoos veterinarian said that the zoo takes the panda out for a sunbath every morning and that there’s nothing for Lin Ping’s fans to worry about.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Latest Trend: Kids Running Away From Home Enhanced by the Web

Photo Courtesy of Thairath

THAILAND – Thai kids are posting bulletins on the internet and social networks, inviting other kids to run away from home and share their experiences. The rate of child runaways has spiked recently due to the use of internet in this way.

The Ministry of Mysterious Disappearances (yeah, there’s one of those now) has been co-operating with the police to investigate the increasing rate of disappearances. The ministry has categorized individual cases into seven types: 1. Kidnap 2. Trickery 3. Intentional 4. Internet Influence 5. Crime and Murder 6. Accidents and Natural Disasters 7. Disappearance due to Brain Dysfunction.

The head of research at the Ministry said that the majority of males and females who disappear tend to be between the ages of 8 and 17 years. From this data, 8 to11 year-old boys appear to be more prone to disappearing because parents usually think there’s no danger to males. While females in the 11-17 age brackets are most likely to disappear – there is also a high-correlation between this figure and the recruitment age in the sex industry and victims of rape.

The ministry has also suggested that the internet is a major contributing factor to these occurrences. Teens frequently use the internet to chat with strangers.

Children with family problems are especially vulnerable to predators on the internet because they tend to have less or no friends and a high imagination. This group is usually the target of crime. Geographic areas that are most affected are populated areas and city centers.

According to the Ministry, since 2003 there have been a total of 1,527 reported victims (523 males and 1,004 females). The ministry has managed to find and help 954of these people.

The latest concern is the online trend where teenagers are encouraging each other to run away from home and share their experiences online. An extraordinary number of teenagers have participated, which shows that this new generation is keener on running away from home.

The Ministry said the police should focus more on these teenagers because these cases are often taken lightly. “We should stop this before all kids run away from home,” said the Ministry’s head of research.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Monday, November 9, 2009

Tough Love: Mother Chains Son to a Tree

Photo Courtesy of Daily News

KONKAEN – A journalist tracked down the mother who chained his own son to a tree for five years. Prajak Yamglang, 45-years-old, dressed in shorts and a wool beanie slept in a hole next to a bamboo tree; his left ankle was locked to a thick, three meter long chain like some medieval prisoner. But Prajak smiled and sang a swift tune. He appeared to be completely happy.

Huang Yamglang, 71-years-old, the mother of Prajak said the reason she chains her son to a tree is because he has a mental disability. Huang recalled that as a child her son was an extremely intelligent boy who was good at drawing. When he finished grade seven, Prajak quit school to help his mother with farming and to look after the buffalos and soon became a loner.

When Prajak was 16-17 years of age, he was addicted to country music and glue. He eventually went mad and hurt people. Sometimes he would walk naked into schools scaring away teachers and students.

Huang said she has chained him down for almost 5 years now with Prajak’s complete consent. She said that he understands and agrees.

Huang brings food for her son everyday and play and tease each other every time.

The journalist covering the story said that while Prajak was interacting with his mother, he began to go off in his own world, bowing to the bamboo tree and lying down in the hole and sitting up suddenly to sing tunes; he repeated this over 40 times.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Bomb Explodes in Hand

NAKORN PATHOM – Two young men drove into a monastery at high speed as one of them lit up a bomb in back seat to throw into one of the schools buildings. The bomb, however, exploded in the guy’s hand. Both men panicked and drove off through the back and headed towards a hospital.

Piyawat Sribunya, 21-years-old, had his right hand blown off by an explosive he was trying to throw. When police arrived at the temple school, they found blood trails and traces of human flesh along with the fragments of fingers scattered along the ground. Five chunks of tissue were stuck to the school buildings wall. The explosion had been powerful.

Bomb residue was also found on site and police said the explosive was most likely a
“Ping Pong Bomb.” The history behind this name is unknown.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, November 7, 2009

10th Grader Gives Birth in Gas Station Dump

Photo Courtesy of Khaosod

CHIANGMAI – A 16-year-old 10th grader gave birth to her child in a gas station toilet in Chiang Mai. She stuffed the baby in a trash bag and ran away. Lucky, the baby survived because a janitor heard the baby crying and helped it suffocated.

Surveillance footage showed that the mother had help from other people; she even borrowed a pair of branch clippers to snip the umbilical cord. Police later tracked down the teen’s mother. The 16-year-old had been admitted to hospital after excessive bleeding.

Police and gas station workers helped untie the black trash bag the baby was stuffed in and found a male infant along with a severed umbilical cord.

In the woman’s toilet, a drag trail of blood led towards a rubbish bin at front of the toilet. Surveillance also showed two women getting into pick up truck and driving away. The police tracked down the 16-year-old at Mothers & Children’s Hospital.

The janitor who discovered the infant said she was about to clean the women’s bathroom, when a short stubby female wearing a green t-shirt and short pants asked her if she could borrow a branch clippers. She had no idea what they were going to be used for. She later heard the stubby woman yelling, “Are you done?” to another woman inside the toilet. The reply came, “no, not yet,” then “arghhh.”

The cleaner dismissed the scream and cleaned the men’s toilet and found later that the two had run off already. She discovered the trail of blood and the crying infant.

Police will interrogate the teen and take her to court.

Imagine growing up knowing your mother dumped you in a gas station toilet, in a black trash bag and tried to kill you.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetcho

Friday, November 6, 2009

Boob Enlargement Lollies

Courtesy of Daily news

THAILAND – The department of food and medicine has addressed the issue of a lolly brand, marketing itself over the internet with false and harmful advertising. The company has stated on its products that the lollies increase the size of breasts. The product’s catch phrase is, “Miracle Boober.” The number of buyers on the internet has skyrocketed.

The department said there was a similar case earlier this year involving breast enlargement cookies and that these cock-and-bull products usually state that they contain a mixture of ancient herbs and special ingredients that enlarge breasts while keeping the body slim and firm. The department said that the lollies are a product line extension strategy by the same company.

The packaging contains Japanese text and appears to be from Japan - but when authorities examined international importing records they found no trace of the brand or any legal registrations to the product. It is believed that the lollies are being carried in by various individuals or that they are even domestically produced.

The so-called ancient herbs, contains estrogen which can harm the body and even cause cancer when consumed regularly or in large amounts. The lollies can also prevent women from breastfeeding; and in men, significantly reduce sperm count.

The department said they will track down the sellers of these illegal products and that the people behind ‘Boober’ will fined and sued and desecrated, for lying to the young generations of people.

The Boober Lollies advertisement slogan on the internet is: “Boob Boom within 7 days, No Surgery Needed.

Note: The people buying the products should also be fined and sued and desecrated because they are idiots.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Cat Girl Disease

Photo Courtesy of Matichon

CHINA – A Thai journalist went to China to cover a story about a Chinese girl, Li Chow Yuan, 6-years-old, known as the cat girl. Plagued by a strange disease, a light fur coat began growing on her body from her back to neck and arms to face.

The girl’s condition escalated very rapidly: four months ago, she only had a minor skin rash on her back… now she’s half-feline.

Li Yang, the cat girl’s father, stated that the doctor said the disease had been dormant in the girl since birth. The doctor also stated that her body will be covered in fur very soon and that the condition will be extremely difficult to cure.

The cat girl’s family is trying their best to gather funds to support her medical treatment.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wife Kills Husband After Fighting Over A Blanket

Photo Courtesy of Thairath

CHONBURI – A husband and wife went to Roy Kra Tong Festival for a vacation in Chonburi. They both had too much to drink and fought on the way back to their motel. As they got into bed together they both tried to get the blanket for themselves. The wife was infuriated and found a knife. She stabbed her husband to death. The corpse was found naked. She insisted her husband started it.

Samruam Phuangthong, 51-years-old, was a pick-up bus driver found face flat in a pool of blood. Samruam had been fiercely stabbed with a sharp weapon in his left nipple. The wound was 10 centimeters deep.

The murder weapon was a long kitchen knife. The police also found the victim’s wife, Taweeporn Sriwiman, a 39-years-old masseuse, who at the time of the murder, had blood stained all over her clothes. She had a deep laceration on her right wrist.

According to her, the couple had been together for two years and was out on vacation. They both had a bit too much to drink and started to argue as they returned to their motel room. In bed, they fought over the blanket, causing the wife to stab her husband with a knife. “I don’t think it’s fair to just take the blanket for yourself. There’s seriously something wrong with that guy,” she said.

As for why Sumruam was naked, the wife simply said it was normal for him to not wear anything in bed.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Epic Car Chase between Police and Illegal Firearms Dealer

Photo Courtesy of Khaosod

YASOTHON – Police were involved in a high-speed pursuit of an illegal-firearms dealer. The suspect drove a pick up truck and people gathered on the streets to watch because they thought it was part of a movie that was being filmed.

Anochao Muengsap, 40-years-old, was the alleged suspect with illegal weapons in his possession. As police arrived at Anochao’s house, he attempted to escape in his black Toyota Freerunner. Road blocks were immediately set up by police to limit the routes Anochao could take; he resisted them and drove through barriers. During the chase, Anochao lost control of his vehicle and headed for a creek but hit another car first. He opened the door and tried to escape on foot. He sustained minor injuries in the crash and police pinned him down shortly after.

Pedestrians described the twenty minute stint as pure stunt driving. They were convinced it was part of an action sequence for a movie, because Anochao’s vehicle, at one stage, got 10 meters of air. The civilians applauded only to realize afterwards that it was a real car chase, between real police and real criminals.

“That amazing fly stunt was just a fluke, I believe. We still caught him in the end, so it doesn’t matter,” one of the police officers said.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Monday, November 2, 2009

2,000 Ducks Vanish

Photo Courtesy of Thairath

CHAIYANAT – Police Lieutenant Suchin Sakunthanat has been working on a case to do with a Cambodian man named Rueng Ramrueng, 25-years-old, who was robbed at his duck farm.

Investigations revealed that three robbers with masks entered Rueng’s home, tied him up and blindfolded him using a pair of underwear. The thieves then broke into the duck farm and stole all of the 2,000 ducks by loading them into their cargo truck.

The police have found no trace of the three men and the 2,000 ducks. They simply disappeared.

It might be another cold case.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Man’s Penis Rots after Beeswax Injection

Photo Courtesy of Daily News

LAMPANG – A new trend in Lampang, Thailand, among male teens is to buy tubes of beeswax and inject it into their penises. Many have been admitted to hospital after severe infections.

One 20-year-old college student revealed that he had bought the beeswax mix from his friends, for a penis enlargement. He said that everyone said the mix could enlarge his penis instantly without surgery. He believed them.

The procedure was to use the beeswax – normally applied to burnt skin and infections and commonly available in pharmacies – and place it in a pot of boiling water, together with the tube; then wait for the tube and the beeswax to melt together into slimy liquid. Next, prepare a syringe to suck out the liquid from the tube, before injecting it in areas around the penis and gently stroking the shaft to smooth out any bumps. The logic, if there is any, behind the process is that the beeswax will solidify inside the penis, hence, enlarging it permanently.

The man did exactly this and was impressed by the results; he became very confident for about a week. After that he noticed a rash around his penis but didn’t pay much attention to it. He bought anti-inflammatory pills but to his surprise, the rashes started appearing all over his groin. The man suffered high fevers and became extremely ill.

His mother found him in bed and took his pants off and discovered a rotten penis. He was immediately taken to hospital for surgery. The doctor had to remove a lot of skin from his shaft and replace it with skin from his scrotum. He is still recovering at hospital.

A journalist went to a pharmacy to get detailed information about the beeswax cream. The pharmacist said that the cream only costs 20 baht, and is often purchased by pet owners to apply to the skin wounds of animals. The pharmacist was surprised that somebody had used the beeswax cream for ‘other purposes’.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Ginseng Gets Genitals Jumping!

Photo Courtesy of Thairath

KANCHANABURI – Recent hype about a licentious, ginseng root has brought residents to the woods in Kanchanaburi. Interest in the herb began from a rumor that it skyrockets the sex drive.

Armed with digging tools, villagers went in search of the strange plant. Apparently, when it is boiled and drank as a tea, the ginseng dilates blood vessels, elevates core energy, and gets your genitals jumping! Some merchants have already introduced the herb as a new product, selling it at markets for 1,000 baht per root.

The erotic ginseng was discovered by an anonymous local historian who refused to reveal his name. Many old people in the villages are spreading rumors that the plant was brought to the town by an allied army in the Second World War. It was used to keep soldiers on their feet. Thais, though, seem to place focus on the sexual benefits of the root. Many old people are purchasing the ginseng in hope of seeing their good old days return.

The districts chief said that the discovery is highly valuable and should be preserved for generations to come.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Friday, October 30, 2009

Body Piercers Take It to the Next Level

Photo Courtesy of Thairath

PHUKET – On the last day of the “Vegetarian Festival,” body piercers took to a new level of madness. Finished with metal rings, gun barrels, and umbrellas, they turned to axes.

The group led a parade through the city, which consisted of the old to the very young.

First, the body piercers marked the center of their foreheads with axes to initiate the process. Then they lowered the axes and put them in their mouths. They seemed to enjoy their own blood lust.

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Grilled Swine Laid Out In Top Shopping Complex

Photo Courtesy of Chet Chetchotisak

BANGKOK – About a month ago, two pigs were grilled and displayed at Siam Paragon, a multimillion dollar, five-storey colossus shopping center with 500,000 square meters of retail space. The mall decided to feature the pigs at the entrance of a supermarket, despite its top reputation in Southeast Asia, as a luxury goods giant.

Foreigners, unaccustomed to seeing grilled carcasses alongside boutiques, were quite shocked and stopped to take photos. Some even posed with the dead piggies. In Thailand, not even gleaming, up-market shopping malls selling Lamborghini’s, can escape the occasionally, weird/unsavory displays.

The reason for the exhibit, is that grilled pigs are a popular cuisine in Asia; also a very famous Portuguese dish.

The images taken from my phone show how these swine might have contrasted with the vast, brightly-lit halls of Paragon (I'll let you imagine it). Children walking by would tap their fingers on the pig’s noses to check if they were still alive.

In the last week, Thai’s have been celebrating vegetarianism also known as “Kin Je,” where people are not allowed to consume meat. So… one week you have a few ugly, not to mention, dead pigs on display and the next you come out saying, “you shouldn’t kill animals and eat them!”

What is the point, other than total contradiction?

Writer: Adrian Tse & Chet Chetchotisak